Naughty Bear Should Be Conker’s Other Bad Day

Naughty Bear was announced late last year from 505 Games and while it, from what’s known of the game so far, looks like it will just turn out to be on the “edgy” side of E-rated I hope it’s more than that.

I’m talking about Rare gun-toting, foul-mouthed squirrels more than that here.

Conker’s Bad Fur Day, for those of you who don’t remember, was Nintendo 64’s swan song. A perfect excuse for Rare to break out of its assumed shell and unleash a game completely against their mantra including sex, Q-berts, and spoofs.

No other developer at the time had the audacity to blow the doors off the hinges and make the nastiest title they could think of. Extremely unlikely for one renowned for oogly-eyed bears and banana-collecting.

AM2 — makers of WEThave the opportunity to make the spiritual successor to Rare’s Conker’s Bad Fur with Naughty Bear. Especially since Rare decided to scrap the proper sequel in favor of their Xbox remake, CBFD: Live & Reloaded.

Unfortunately, from what I’ve gleaned of early previews, here’s a few of the things Naughty Bear is in danger of becoming and what I think it should be:

Premise

What It Will Be…

An “action/arcade” game set on an island consisting of thirty or so levels where you build up enough points to level up and ruin a birthday party you weren’t invited to. Seriously.

What It Should Be…

Start off with a young naughty bear and demonstrate how his anger manifests towards his peers as he’s never invited to parties, BBQs, siestas, etc. He grows up and the game delves into the seedy underbelly of the island. Gangs, drug rings, prostitution. The works. Gets a scar or two, makes a list of those who’ve wronged him, and takes action backed by years of mafioso experience.

Gameplay

What It Will Be…

Stealth action lite. You’ll be able to scare or murder enemies on the island by setting traps while you hide in the bushes. Rack up points depending on how you exact your revenge on the other bears.

What It Should Be…

Keep the stealth in but also add the ability to run missions as you wish. Grab a chainsaw and take it to your opponents Scarface-style or set up a perimeter around your targets locations and wait until they step out of their hut to create a grand explosion. “Context sensitive” buttons was the buzzword farce in the original Conker’s Bad Fur Day, this time around “quick time events” would take their place.

Characters

What It Will Be…

Plain and vanilla teddy bears of whose only differing qualities will be their size or shirt color. Bosses will be big and bulky with an endless stream of one-hit-kill minions.

What It Should Be…

Filled to the brim with colorful characters whether they fit inside the construct of the world or not. Give us opera-singing Poo monster, the sequel. Give us an imitation of Heath Ledger’s Joker. Give us offensive stereotypical characters. Give us anything but a sea of naked bear clones running amok.

Humor

What It Will Be…

Voiceless stuffed animals bumping into each other and naughty bear spilling their textile innards all over the place. Oh, the inherent humor!

What It Should Be…

Parodies movies post-CBFD including Doogie Houser sniffing cocaine off someone’s ass inWhite Castle” or the Bride vs. Crazy 88s scene in “Kill Bill.” Voicework would also be necessary to bring the game’s original characters to life. Rare capped out the N64’s audio capacity…let’s see AM2 push voiceovers in a similar fashion.

AM2 is certainly looking to make Naughty Bear less controversial than what Rare did with their lovable squirrel (take Nintendo Power’s complete disregard for it as proof of how graphic it was) but hopefully they push the envelope. Even if just a bit. Who knows, if it succeeds we might see Rare take a chance on another hangover tale. Their bosses at Redmond are down with adult content, all they need to see are dollar signs and the green light would go up immediately.

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